It was a strange Wednesday night. Jo and I had an "appointment" and it went, well, very well. We even went out to dinner as friends afterwards. True, I had to pay, but it wasn't a date, just old friends having dinner. Honestly, we haven't had that good of a time in a long, long while. But we didn't talk about us or "trying to work things out," or any of the stuff that one might think would be a temptation to talk about when a couple breaking up is having a good time. We just laughed. She always loved the way I made her laugh, and I always loved making her.
After dinner we said goodnight, I love you, hugged each other and went our separate ways. No tears or lingering looks, just a simple goodnight with a warm feeling inside. I can't say this will last forever, but I sure as hell enjoyed it for the night.
After leaving Jo, I joined 2 new friends I made last week. Two 23 year old gals who have collectively been in NYC a total of about 2 weeks. They're pretty, young, fun, and they have worlds of opportunities in front of them. I should be attracted to them. I should want to try and "move on," but I sometimes forget how young 23 is, and its hard to forget that I'm not quite ready for that.
Jo wrote me an email yesterday saying that she didn't want to remember the fights - only the "wonderful times" that we had. No fights about money, stuff, or who's fault it was. Its a little funny too. For the past year, all its been is bitterness and rain. But walking home Wednesday night, feeling the hot, New York rain drenching my bag and my work clothes, I couldn't remember much of that. I had hope as I walked through Washington Square Park, and I didn't even think about stepping inside or under an awning. I just let it fall, sans umbrella and all. Maybe it was a little too "Hollywood movie scene," and maybe I was even aware of that. But it felt good - and it felt right. As I gave a dollar to a black man - who I briefly spoke French with - I started humming a Dylan song in my head - ok ... maybe out loud as well. Anyway, the song goes like this:
"They say every man must need protection ... They say every man must fall. Yet I swear I see my reflection ... somewhere so high above the wall. I see my light come shinin' ... from the west down to the east ... Any day now, Any day now - I shall be released"
As I'm writing this down, I feel lucky. I feel lucky and even happy. God help me if the memories of the bitterness ever show up unexpectedly at my door one day and cripple whatever (faux?) comfort I have. But for tonight, as I'm moving on, I'm not thinking about the pain - but instead I can see her pretty little face as she came around the stone courtyard outside that old Cypriot church 3 years ago. I'll never forget that look of excitement, nervousness, and fear.
I can't be sure, but I probably had the same look on my face walking home Wednesday night. It's a good look ya know. I hope I never lose it.
I hope she never does either.
posted by miLo @ 10:41 PM
2 Comments:
Good for you, Milo. If it must end, that's a lucky and lovely way to go. FMP
Note how I put a non-spammy comment ;)
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